There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
