bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
