my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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