I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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