she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
