Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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