I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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