so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
