i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
We're too hungover to prance.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
