Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
