You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
