Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
