he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
