This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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