if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
