i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
