Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
