Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
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