dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
