i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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