u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
There's even glitter on my cock...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
