im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
