C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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