So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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