i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
