Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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