First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize