I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
