I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize