I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
