I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
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I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
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Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
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