i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Randomize
