i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
sarcasm needs its own font
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
