Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
