just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
