I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
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