just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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