my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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