You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I didn't notice because vodka
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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