VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
