Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
How does one acquire holy water?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
