I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Randomize
