Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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