I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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