I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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