its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Mom said you looked used
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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