I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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