went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
