dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
