Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
we made out on top of his cat.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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