Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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