i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
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