hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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