Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
