Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
