I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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