i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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