Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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