He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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