He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
