Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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