Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
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I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
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He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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