Just fell off a train. Bad.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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