We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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