so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
