we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
