I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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