I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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