we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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