I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
