you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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