I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Randomize
