My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Randomize
