I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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