I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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