Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
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Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
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I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
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