I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
