doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
