i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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