I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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