her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
