so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
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Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
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All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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