yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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